Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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