Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
