oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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