a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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