I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
