Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
