Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
