We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
