hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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