I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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