we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
