i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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