Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
