hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
