So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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