He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
