You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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