So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
