Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
