I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
