I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
