Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
