How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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