Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
