I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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