Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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