Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
