you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
