his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
