I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
