there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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