I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
