Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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