I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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