i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
