Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
