meet me or not, i'm out of control
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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