guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
