It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
