I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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