Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
