you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
