So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize