1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
