Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
