just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
