You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
