She is in my trunk
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize