i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
