You made me cry and you don't even care
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
