you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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