We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
