Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
