Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
