five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
