i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
