if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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