He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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