so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
