Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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