we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize