I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
