Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
