oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
