I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
