Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
