sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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