Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
