If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
