she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
