I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
