I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
do nipples grow back?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
